For so many years, you’ve been stereotyping all guys to mirror the absolute worst of the worst. When approached, you have pushed them away with a twinkle in your eyes and a smile that convinced both you and them that they were undesired – or …what this approach could potentially lead to was undesired. This, you have done in order not to get involved – no strings attached. You have done so in order for you to have no hindrances when following your hopes and dreams. You have done so because it was the only way to make sure not to compromise with yourself and your ambitions. In your head, this made perfectly sense – no strings attached. In your head, you have convinced yourself that this was what you wanted – that a love interest was undesired. Suddenly out of the blue, reality hits. Hard.
…
You’ve meet someone. There’s an obvious chemistry. Suddenly, you find yourself on a date – nervous and excited. A date with someone you really find interesting. Someone who appears to be real – honest with a good heart. Someone who treats you with respect and make you feel special. Someone who makes you feel absolutely comfortable in his company. For some reason, this is highly difficult for you to process. Truth is, you suddenly realize that you’ve been lying to yourself just because it was easier – no strings attached. Because with your hopes and dreams, you’ve convinced yourself that a man couldn’t fit in your life. Now, you realize maybe he can? Even though he might can’t? Who really knows… But maybe you owe it to yourself to at least give it a try… You’re confused…
When you deliberately have avoided anything related to romantic love for years, you become very skilled at ignoring and pushing it away. You, especially, become skilled at preventing it and making sure it doesn’t become part of your life. In the end, you convince yourself that it’s just easier – no strings attached, no problems, no hindrances for your hopes and dreams. When an interest then suddenly after years of this guarding of the heart appears and you for some reason can’t ignore it as you’re used to, you become very scared. What is supposed to feel like an adventure not only feels like this but also to a certain extent feels like an obstacle. The first response might be to push it away. You try. For some reason, though, you can’t… That’s when you get confused. How is it possible to escape reality – even if you know, you should just go with the flow? Because it’s not as if you don’t want it. It’s that you’re terrified. Absolutely terrified. Terrified of the whole thing. After years of rejecting love interests because it’s just easier – no strings attached, you become scared of getting rejected. In your heart, you hope that although this feeling is overwhelming and insecurity may come across as a result, he doesn’t withdraw. You become aware of the solid wall around your heart that you’ve actively been building for years has to break. Step-by-step. You’ve known for a while now that this could eventually happen and have started the breakdown of the wall yourself. You can’t break it yourself, though. You need help. His help…
With years of guarding, with years of building a wall around the heart and with years of ignoring the sparkle, it has been years of standing on your own. Although this is a part of yourself that you truly treasure, maybe it wouldn’t be terrible sharing your world, maybe it would be rather nice have someone there for you. Someone who cared. Someone who actually cared. That wall won’t be easy to break, though, and you just hope he, with your help, doesn’t give up when trying to break it, step-by-step.
The dating continues… Then you find yourself not knowing the next steps – and you hate it. At the same time, you know it’s the best thing that could happen to you because let’s face it, it’s not like the way you normally handle men in your life has proved to be bullet proof for the heart anyway. So maybe it’s not that bad. Maybe it’s actually not that scary. Maybe it’s not even going to end as you predict. And wouldn’t that be nice. Maybe you should just simply run with it – not thinking too much, just explore. Because isn’t that what you always preach – go explore!?
…
xo P!
